When Things Don’t Go Your Way
When things don’t go your way, how do you respond? Do you get upset and react to the situation or the person? Do you think, “Of course it happened to me, it always does”? Do you shut down and become frozen to action?
Let me start by saying all these responses are totally normal; after all, you're only human. But what if you could react differently?
Lately, I started to notice how I would stop in my tracks and become frozen when things didn’t go my way. Then I started to ask myself, what am I thinking to cause this response? I noticed that I thought heavy thoughts like, “I am never going to be able to figure this out”, “It’s too hard for me”, “I had this all set; why did it have to change?" These thoughts didn't serve to propel me forward toward a solution; instead, they halted my progress.
When I started to think about how I could see it differently, I was reminded of my favorite saying, “When you bet against reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time”. Take that in. My response when things didn’t go my way was not dealing with reality. I was too busy wishing the situation was different, thus creating tension and overwhelm for me. Do you see when you try to bet against reality and don’t take it for what it’s worth, how it can throw you into a complete tailspin?
That’s when I knew I wanted to see things for what it was worth and create an opportunity to do it differently. Here’s what I mean. If a client needed to reschedule, I used to view it as an inconvenience that disrupted my meticulously arranged schedule. Now I ask myself, “What if this is exactly how things are supposed to work out?” By asking this question, it allows me to see things as opportunities instead of issues. This shift in perspective enables me to seek solutions based on facts rather than getting caught up in unnecessary emotional distress arising from resistance to reality.…do you see what I mean?
Let’s try it with an employee issue. You are counting on an employee to get something done for you that is time sensitive and due by tomorrow. Tomorrow comes, and the project isn’t done. The employee tells you that they didn’t know the time frame to complete it, that they were waiting to get something else done and then would start your project. In your mind, you are thinking, “They should have asked me; they really let me down.” At this moment, you are betting against reality and wishing it was different. Instead, you could think, “Could I have communicated my expectations differently in order to achieve my desired outcome? What steps can we take right now to get the project done on time?" When you think this way, you are in solution mode. You are taking some responsibility and not dwelling on what could have or should have been. You will learn from this experience, and the next time you want something done by a certain day/time, you will communicate this.
This type of response takes practice. You can decide ahead of time how you want to respond and practice that response when things don’t go your way because if you're anything like me, you will have plenty of opportunities to practice. It takes getting to know yourself and your response when things don’t go your way and getting curious about how you can solve it better, react better, and think better about the situation so you can get another result the next time.
Life and business are all about trial and error, and the more we can be solutions-focused and not beat ourselves up when things go wrong, the better results we will start to create for our businesses and selves.
I encourage you to give this a try, and if you need help, email me at michelle@lifeaholicllc.com, and we will jump on a Zoom to work through your particular issue. I am here to serve!